The fear of change

Why is it so difficult to change something?

We often accept being unhappy instead of change. Why not really change something in our lives? Time and again, we can see that people only change something when they really can't do otherwise. Stand with your back against the wall, so to speak. But before that, there was often a long ordeal.

Why is this the case and how can I do something about it?

The fear of change:

As an outsider, you often cannot understand why someone hasn't already changed something long ago, such as quitting the job or ending the relationship. Some of those affected also say themselves that they know that they need to change something and really want to do it — but they can't...

We humans are often very afraid to change something in our lives. Because what we already know gives us a feeling of familiarity and security — even when it makes us dissatisfied or even unhappy. What is known seems better than anything unknown because we know it, because we know how to act and how we can protect ourselves...

And no one can really guarantee that it will get better; it could even get worse! We humans tend to imagine the worst. Yes, we are very good at anticipating risks and dangers and preparing for the worst.

Decision-making psychology shows in impressive experiments that we react more sensitively to losses than to gains. For example, it hurts us more to lose a bad job than to miss out on the chance to get a good job.

The belief that things are getting better is very often lagging behind. We would therefore rather stick with the familiar ailments than expose ourselves to unknown risks.

The strategy of sticking with the tried and tested seems to be deeply rooted in us. Sticking to what you know obviously offers more survival benefits than taking risks. In addition, fear of change can also be understood as protection against disappointment or injury.

Very often, we also hear statements such as: “It could be even worse.” And when you offer concrete suggestions for changes, a “Yes, yes, BUT...” comes back by return mail. There are immediately reasons and arguments that are directed against any proposed change.

This shows how fixated we are on resistance and inconvenience. The potential benefits and opportunities are often not even taken advantage of. And even when we see them, we are afraid that things might be different after all. In the worst case scenario, we would no longer even have any hope of a better life.

We want to protect ourselves from such disappointment.

Tip 1: Defy the worst scenario!

As already mentioned, we tend to imagine that things could get even worse. Often, however, we don't really complete this thought process.

Ask yourself: What would be the WORST thing that could happen? Be very aware of this scenario — as explicitly and in detail as possible.

If you play through this thought to the end, you can see that the worst that could happen as a result of change often involves fewer risks and dangers than you initially feared.

Tip 2: Change requires strength!

Tackling and changing something in life requires strength and an optimistic attitude. But that is exactly what we often lack when we are dissatisfied or unhappy. Stressful situations cost a lot of energy — it's as if we were being drained of power. So where do you get the energy or an optimistic attitude?

A tip: Pay attention to your thoughts when you think of a possible change. Are they more positive or negative? Stop negative, pessimistic thoughts and consciously imagine what your desired future situation should look like.

Describe this situation as precisely as possible — for example in writing on a piece of paper — or draw a picture of it. State clearly what you want (and not what you don't want). It can look like this, for example: “I want a partner who takes me seriously and listens to me...” Take the time to go into detail as well.

Also make sure to do something for yourself very consciously. Ask yourself: What gives me the strength and energy to be able to change something?

The first step towards change is therefore taking good care of yourself.

Tip 3: Change requires courage!

Those affected often report that they see no alternative and feel they have no other choice.

However, if you want to change something, you need to believe in what is possible and trust that it can be better. Believing in yourself is just as important. With self-confidence and courage, fear of the unknown can be overcome.

Be aware of the hurdles you've already overcome in your life. How did you do that? What helped you do that?

Tip 4: A change of perspective helps!

Finally, a small self-experiment: Please complete the following steps immediately after reading (but really 😉):

Get up and walk in circles for a minute.
Keep running for another minute.
Keep running — please.
Even further.
Keep running in circles...

Does that sound silly to you?
What impulse did you have?
Did you want to stop? Get out of this endless, monotonous rut?

This exercise is good for making those affected experience symbolically and physically what it feels like to run in circles.

Sometimes it's easier to just keep going in circles — it also requires less courage. Because in order to overcome the fear of change, we need not only energy but also courage.

Try to look at your situation from an outside perspective. What would you see from outside? What impulse does this change of perspective give you?

Tip 5: small steps — small resistances

Sometimes we are also blocked because the necessary changes are too big and drastic — which scares us or overwhelms us overall.

It is often not necessary to take the big steps at once. Even small impulses can set a big process in motion. Choose a first, small change step and consciously set as specific a sub-goal as possible that you would like to tackle next. What is your next step?

So we have it in our own hands. Let us gather our strength and courage and overcome fear — because it is often the biggest obstacle.

‍(Source: Sunday Newsletter from www.zeitzuleben.de)